Monday, February 9, 2009

" Illicit Love.................."

Illicit Love..........

Are you lonely my love, the love of your life loves another man ?

Are you in pain my love, the love of your life needs the other man ?

Does your heart ache my love, the love of your life cannot forget that man ?

Do I hurt you my love, when I say to you I can't get over that man ?

Can you accept my love, the love of your life thinks of the other man always, all the time ?

No - I am not the other woman in his life - as nothing works between us...

yet ...I keep thinking of him feel so deep for him and yes - my love wish to marry him, bed him and beget him children...

like every woman does for the man she loves

Is it too much of a sin my love, to love more than one man ?

Tell me my love, why do I need him so much, miss him every moment of my lonesome life being your wife, I need the husband in him

And yet - I know I cannot do that, I cannot choose him over you

do I forget him and forgive myself for the sin of being in love with two men in my life ?

Tell me my love, how do I do this ?

I am directionless... feeling down and out my heart in pieces

wish I could share my life with him.

Too much for the asking I suppose...

I am being avaricious and may be impractical

Tell me my love, when was love pragmatic when was love logical ?

when did people say love had a lot of rationale ?

Love was always blind

blind as a bat

love feels with the heart

mind doesn't work

And here I am my love, at your door-step in your home beside you, in your arms .......... and yet pondering over him...

I wonder......... Why this kind of feeling exist ? Why my heart fills with adulterous love ?

Why must I be to this cross-road ? Why do I have to choose between the two of you ?

I cannot hurt one and please the other... They say : love is pure, pristine a feeling complete devotion and adulation for the one man a woman always loves and loves for ever...

but what happens to the love a woman feels for the man in her life and the other man outside.

Is it so sinful a feeling ?

Is it so detesting ? Do all the women in this world love only one man through all their life ?

And all the men just think of only one woman : their so-called wedded wife ?

So many questions in mind for a heart that loves and loves and loves...

the two men in a woman's life

1 comment:

  1. Sat, November 22, 2008 - 1:33 AM
    There is only one love.
    We try as hard as we can to draw little boxes around ourselves, but the truth is, if you are interacting with the world, you will love many more than just one.

    Why is that so sinful?

    I know not.

    I am right there with you, loving more than one at a time. I do behave myself and kee pmy hands to myself, but oh how hard it is to do that when you love so deeply. But I would not want to be on the other side of that equation, so I resist.


    124 Sat, November 22, 2008 - 9:57 PM
    Illicit love
    Deep thoughts and i too have pondered that in the past year .I think that you love purely and it is alot to teach how to be a polycurious type to some. So hard at times to feel monogamous relations are sooo good. Do not think about it for awhile, yeah it is an obsessive thought eh? I find directionless a hard place to be...... ick! You express yourself so well, You have honesty and it is some ways a painful lesson.. loving two.

    God ...

    402 Sun, November 30, 2008 - 12:08 PM

    "Love is not love
    Which alters when it finds alteration
    Or bends with the remover to remove
    O! No! It is an ever-fixed mark
    That looks on tempests and is never shaken"
    – Sonnets: W. Shakespeare ( he got it from Kemet)

    "The worlds are just a playground of the you and I, the colorful mask of the two-in-one, I am in you like you are in me, oh love." - Sri Aurobindo

    The true marriage is within oneself…

    Becoming with the Divine, then the Consummation into Divine alchemy - you're not being made love to properly Love is not there
    mental dualities are there... divisions of mind

    The union between man and woman, is thus the union within oneself (of heart and mind) of masculine and feminine principles…
    Sun and Moon, Mars and Venus, and every other duality.

    What we call the Sanctity of Marriage, is only an eminent instance of the universal marriage by which each is bound to all, and all to the Divine. Marriage, therefore, has its origin in the Divine, and its highest and universal form in the union of opposites (Ma'at)

    How do we deal with change, transformation, responsibility, the unknown
    and the inevitable? We have to learn to deal with opposites that exist
    simultaneously. We are simultaneously separate and connected. alive and dead

    "The root of all pain and problems is lack of consciousness. The basic
    question facing each of us is "Can we wake up and stay awake despite
    the challenges to our psyche?" Conscious awareness makes it possible to
    make wiser decisions about our life and how to live it. The more conscious
    we become, the easier it is to navigate our life's journey. The more we
    live in alignment with universal energies, the happier and more peaceful we

    The more we incorporate universal truths into our daily decision-making, the more we attract satisfying experiences and fulfilling relationships into our lives.

    Enter the Now from Wherever You Are

    "Most people pursue physical pleasures or various forms
    of psychological gratification because they believe
    that those things will make them happy or free them
    from a feeling of fear or lack. Happiness may be
    perceived as a heightened sense of aliveness attained
    through physical pleasure, or a more secure and more
    complete sense of self attained through some form of
    psychological gratification. This is the search for
    salvation from a state of dissatisfaction or

    "Invariably, any satisfaction that they obtain is
    short-lived, so the condition of satisfaction or
    fulfillment is usually projected once again onto an
    imaginary point away from the here and now. "When I
    obtain this or am free of that ¯ then I will be okay."
    This is the unconscious mind-set that creates the
    illusion of salvation in the future."

    "True salvation is fulfillment (Wholelyness), peace, life in all its
    fullness. It is to be who you are, to feel within you
    the good that has no opposite, the joy of Being that
    depends on nothing outside itself. It is felt not as a
    passing experience but as an abiding presence. In
    theistic language, it is to "know God" ¯ and your lover not as
    something outside you but as your own innermost
    essence. True salvation is to know yourself as an
    inseparable part of the timeless and formless One Life
    from which all that exists derives its being.

    True salvation is a state of freedom ¯ from fear, from
    suffering, from a perceived state of lack and
    insufficiency and therefore from all wanting, needing,
    grasping, and clinging. It is freedom from compulsive
    thinking, from negativity, and above all from past and
    future as a psychological need. Your mind is telling
    you that you cannot get there from here.

    Something needs to happen, or you need to become this
    or that before you can be free and fulfilled. It is
    saying, in fact, that you need time ¯ that you need to
    find, sort out, do, achieve, acquire, become, or
    understand something before you can be free or
    complete. You see time as the means to salvation,
    whereas in truth it is the greatest obstacle to

    There can be no salvation away from this moment. You
    are lonely with and without a partner? Enter the Now from
    there. You are in a relationship? Enter the Now from
    there. There is nothing you can ever do or attain that
    will get you closer to salvation than it is at this

    This may be hard to grasp for a mind
    accustomed to thinking that everything worthwhile is
    in the future. Nor can anything that you ever did or
    that was done to you in the past prevent you from
    saying yes to what is and taking your attention deeply
    into the Now. You cannot do this in the future. You do
    it now or not at all.

    Love is the most powerful force in the universe, and for centuries mystics have understood the transformative potential of divine love. Love draws us back to love, love uncovers love, love makes us whole and love takes us Home. In the depths of the soul we are loved by God (DIVINE).

    God ...

    402 Sun, November 30, 2008 - 12:16 PM

    "Like everything that is created, love has a dual nature, positive and negative, masculine and feminine. The masculine side of love is "I love you." Love's feminine quality is "I am waiting for you; I am longing for you." For the mystic it is the feminine side of love, the longing, the cup waiting be filled, that takes us back to the DIVINE. Longing is a highly dynamic state and yet at the same time it is a state of receptivity. Because our culture has for so long rejected the feminine we have lost touch with potency of longing. Many people feel this pain of the heart and do not know its value; they do not know that it is their innermost connection to love."

    Longing is the sweet pain of belonging to the DIVINE. Once longing is awakened within the heart it is the most direct way Home. Like the magnet it draws us deep within our own heart where we are made whole and transformed.

    This is why the Sufi mystics have always stressed the importance of longing. The great Sufi Ibn 'Arabî prayed, "Oh Lord, nourish me not with love but with the desire for love," while Rûmî expressed the same truth in simple terms,

    "Do not seek for water, be thirsty."

    The feminine mystery of longing belongs to the nature of the soul which is always feminine before God. In the innermost chamber of the heart we look towards the DIVINE, receptive and attentive, needing the DIVINES nourishment. The mystic knows that only the DIVINE can make us whole, only the DIVINE can heal the sickness and division of the mind and

    The Meaning of the Heart

    God IS Love.

    we have the term 'making love' used as a supposedly more acceptable euphemism for sexual intercourse. Love IS. It already exists. You can give love, receive love, have love, feel love, want love, see the effects of love, see love happening even, but if God IS love, how do we 'make' God?

    "In our life the road to holiness necessarily passes through world of intention and action". God is the eternal source of love. I believe without showing great commitment, humility and warmth to the few with whom you are involved, you will never be able to do anything for many. Love, for Divine is without any object, it is the out flowing of a power released by self-surrender.

    Finally we should realize that love is a commitment. Without commitment, we can never nurture enduring relationship in our family or elsewhere. Building a family, parenting, caring and nurturing our children, partaking in all the drudgeries at home – all these require a lot of patience, commitment and sacrifice. This commitment never presupposes anything in return.

    Your commitment in love should be total and unconditional. It shows again that love is intention and action.

    When true love comes, it comes quietly, without banners and flashing lights. If you hear the bells, get your ears checked". Love blossoms silently sipping the sweet drops of time. Brute physical desire is easy but desire at the same time as affection calls for time. One has to travel through the whole land of love before finding the flame of love." It is like an hourglass with the heart filling up with the passage of time.

    Prayers for love will not generate any love
    Pleading for love will not evoke love
    Preaching about love cannot net love
    No valentine greetings can perpetuate love

    Only intentional giving - an action, a discipline (a disciple of Divine) alone can sow the seeds to reap the harvest of love.

    "We are the mirror as well as the face in it.
    We are tasting the taste this minute
    of eternity. We are pain and what cures pain.
    We are the sweet, cold water and the jar that pours."
    - Rumi

    Our own souls call to us and make us yearn for our souls' home, until ultimately there's no "distinction of caller and called":

    "Remember God so much that You are forgotten,
    until you are lost in the Call,
    without distinction of caller and called."

    "Tomorrow you'll see what you've broken and torn tonight,
    thrashing in the dark. Inside you
    there's an artist you don't know about.
    It''s not interested in how things look different in moonlight."

    but your mother knows!'

    Friend, this kind of talk is a prison. Don't listen!
    The king spent all day looking for his falcon, and came at last
    to that tent and saw his fine raptor
    standing on a shelf in the smoky steam
    of the old woman's cooking.

    "You left me for this?"

    The falcon rubbed his wings
    against the king's hand, feeling wordlessly
    what was almost lost.

    "You left me for this?" We left our inner mansions to do what? to be what? to have what?
    The falcon escaped, but a gazelle wasn't so lucky:

    - Rumi

    God ...

    402 Sun, November 30, 2008 - 12:18 PM

    so how do we know if it's from the heart or a division of the Ego mind?

    Whenever you love, Real Love, the self (Ego) disappears

    Ego lives through comparison

    In real love there is no relationship, because there are not two persons to be related to. In real love there is only love, a flowering, a fragrance, a melting, a merging.

    Real love is always in the present, ego always in the future or the past.

    Alice has reached Wonderland. She came to meet the king and the king asked, "Alice, did you meet a messenger coming towards me?"

    She said, "I met nobody."

    The king said, "If you met nobody, why has he not arrived yet?"

    Alice was very much puzzled. She said, "You are not understanding me rightly. Nobody is nobody."

    The king said, "That is obvious that nobody is nobody, but where is he? He should have reached here by this time. It simply means nobody walks slower than you."

    And naturally Alice was very much annoyed and forgot that she is talking to the king. She said, "Nobody walks faster than me."

    Now the whole conversation goes on with that "nobody." She understands that he is saying, "Nobody walks slower than you."

    "... and I am a fast walker. I have come from the other world to Wonderland, a small world -- and he is insulting me." Naturally she retorts, "Nobody walks faster than me!"

    The king said, "If that is right then why has he not arrived?"

    And this way the discussion continues.

    Divine is a nobody.

    God ...

    402 Sun, November 30, 2008 - 12:34 PM

    Love, Freedom & Alone-ness (all-oneness)

    Love is not a relationship.

    Love relates, but it is not a relationship.

    A relationship is something finished. A relationship is a Noun

    Love is never a relationship; Love is relating. It is always a river, flowing, unending. Love knows no full stop; the honeymoon begins but never ends.

    And why do we reduce the beauty of relating to a relationship? Why are we in such a hurry? Because to relate is insecure, and relationship is security. Relationship has a certainty; relating you have to show up every moment.

    We want to make it predictable, make it certain. We would like tomorrow to be according to our ideas; we don ’t allow it freedom to have it’s own say. So we immediately reduce every verb to a noun.

    You are in love with a women or man and immediately you start thinking of getting married. Make it a legal contract. Why? How does law come into love because love is not there. It is only a fantasy, and you know fantasy will disappear. Before it disappears settle down, before it disappears do something so it becomes impossible to separate.

    In a better world, with more meditative people, with a little more enlightenment spread over the earth, people will love, love immensely, but their love will remain a relating, not a relationship. But it will not be guaranteed by law, the courts, by the policeman. The guarantee will be inner. It will be a commitment from the heart, it will be silent communion.

    For get about relationships learn how to relate

    Once in a relationship you start taking each other for granted-that destroys the love affair.

    The woman thinks she knows the man, the man thinks he know the woman. Nobody know either. We our processes, we are not things (verb and noun)

    The woman that you knew yesterday is not there today. She is somebody else, totally different. Relate again, start again, don ’t take it for granted. That ’s the difference between a thing and a person. The furnature in the room is the same, but the man or woman, they are no more the same. Explore again, start again. That ’s what I mean by relating.

    Relating means you are always starting, you are continuosly trying to become acquainted. Again and again, you are introducing yourself to each other. You are trying to penetrate deeper and deeper into his realm of inner feelings, into deep recesses of his being. You are trying to unravel a mystery that can not be unraveled. That is the joy of love: the exploration f consciousness.

    And if you relate, and don ’t reduce it to a relationship, then the other will become a mirror to you. Exploring him, unawares you will be exploring your self, too.

    Hence I say relate. By saying relate, I mean remain continuously on a honeymoon.

    One of the most basic things to realize is that when you love a person, you love because the person is not available. Now the person is available, so how can the love exist?

    You wanted to be rich because you were poor-the whole desire to be rich was because of your poverty. Now you are rich, you don ’t care. Or think of it another way. You are hungry, so you obsesses with food. But when you are feeling well and your stomach is full, who bothers? Who thinks about food?

    The same thing happens to so called love. You are chasing a man and the man goes on withdrawing himself, escaping from you. You become more and more heated up, then you chase him more. And that ’s part of the game. Every man knows intrinsically that he has to escape, so the chase continued. Of course he is not to escape so much that you forget all about him-he has to remain in view, alluring, fascinating, calling inviting and yet escaping.

    So first the man runs after the woman and the woman tries to escape.Once the man has caught the woman, immediately the whole tide turns. Then the man starts escaping and the woman starts chasing-Where are you going? With whom were you talking? Why are you late? With whom have you been?

    And the whole problem is that both were attracted to each other because they were unknown to each other.

    They have made over to each other many times and now it has become repetition-at the most a habit, a relaxation, but the romance is gone. They both feel bored. They cannot live without each other because of habit, they cannot live together because there is no romance.